Monday, May 10, 2010

Morning! What is the point!

You ask yourself, What is the point of all that Gardening?
Every Morning, I try to wake up, and get a 'Handle on things'. I sort of 'Wake Up' and throw all the balls back in the air, that I'm Juggling. Get coffee going, Then I go out and Reflect on my day, in the yard. This morning it's Raining. The garden is a great place to do it..... It's a nice place to be!
It also contrasts nicely with the Austere nature of my Office/working life. No matter what I do, it will always be.. Filled with Electronic devices.

This morning, as I reflect, my Ex-Girlfriend "My Ex", whom I lived with all those years.... all those years ago. Emailed me, told me how much she hated Mother's day. Seems like a hard day, for some. It's a day to reflect on "What Kind of Mother am I" "What kind of Child am I"(Doesn't that make it kind of miserable). .... and the day either shows you how Guilty, your children are;

this is my case, where I'm making up for ... every miserable thing I've done to mom, for 40 some odd years.
OR...
I am showing her, my appreciation for what a great mother she is....

Even though, it's kind of the same thing.

Mother's day... seems like a ton of fucked up emotions!

Worse is the thought, that... I do all this stuff for my mother, Which included the Coup-De-Grace. Hanging out with my brother. I do all this stuff... All because I feel like a Piece of Shit Son! Since, she did all this stuff for me, and I'm not Curing Cancer, or working on Particle Physics, And I can't afford to take her to all the Major Tennis Opens, And probably will never be able to, before she becomes Too Old(I'm saying Too Old, because what I really am saying... I CAN'T Type.). So, I do all of this stuff, Because I feel inadequate as a son......

.... the Cherry on top. Is 'I blog my guilt'.... and Blog my "Mother's day A-Game", and the thought crosses my mind "What about the people who, don't know how to do all this stuff, and feel inadequate... Because they can't a damn near Perfect Eggs Benedict, or make Paella, for their mother!

I guess, if you feel guilty... You should do something about it.

But Please... Don't let the fact, that I feel guilty, because I can't/have yet take my Mother to Wimbledon/Australian/US and French Open's, and the reason I can't do it, is not; That I'm Curing Cancer... so I have to 'do what I can', and slave away all day for her....

My Guilt, Shouldn't be yours.

and also... I mean... seriously... realize.. my mother raised a "Momma's boy"... and how poorly does that reflect on her.... LOL!!!!






2 comments:

Nancy said...

Is a Grand Slam your dream or hers? If it’s hers take her to one. It’s really cool and you can afford it.

But she loved the food and the attention and you clearly love cooking. You nailed it when you said that the most important thing that you did was hang out w/your brother. And the other way around.

Appreciation isn’t about a grand gesture (although sometimes it’s nice). As we left my sister’s house last night, my mom said that “it’s occasions like this that make me so happy that dad and I moved to UT." Gotta smile.

I’m still full from last night.

Guilt’s another story and likely requires a whole bunch of posts.

The Mop said...

hers, and I/We love to watch the open's together.

Sometimes, there isn't enough time for comments.