How Not, to Go On a Date!

#30daysofcontent

Adventures, in Dating, at Forty.

For whatever reason, it seems as though, My Mojo, My Lebedo, My Path, My Karma, has become hyper-active, for the activity of dating. Apparently, being single is not fitting my persona, these days. For those, who have Matured in age, and yet, still stuck in the Adolescent activity of "Dating"(Adolescents Redux I guess), I've decided to write a missive about my date this weekend, a "How-Not To", guide to dating at Forty.

First, when paying for the movie, try not to flaunt the 3 condoms in your wallet. Sure, to a man you are just being prepared, like any good boy scout should be. Sure, they could be nearly 3 years old. The problem is, to most woman, the glimpse, though accidental, may be seen as 'a hint', or an expectation, or a "*wink wink nudge nudge*, do you get it?". It's most likely, a Spoiler, or a game ender, as far as most woman are concerned. You also might ask, 'What are you doing with 3?'. Well, to me the practical nature, of just having all the condoms "together", this benefit is outweighed,by far, by the sheer bulkiness and obviousness of them, in the bill fold. A real Capitalist, would come up with a way to make condoms less obvious in a wallet.

Second, When you are watching the movie, which she picked, and she didn't know had, several acts of violent, angry, anal rape and/or Bondage. When you notice, Just about everyone, especially in a female audience, heavy on lesbians, is absolutely Frozen in Horror, as they have no idea how to react, and you could have dropped a Dime and heard it across the theater.

DO NOT, lean over to your date and whisper, "Do you notice, nobody knows how to react! They are too horrified, and too overwhelmed by the emotion, that they are Frozen with confusion and Fear!".

For your own edification, being horrified and disgusted, is an appropriate response. As well as "frozen stiff.". It is very similar to that awkward moment you have when you are watching a movie with your mother, and there is fucking going on. It's one of those "Lets just ignore what is going on up on the screen", kind of moments. When on a date, making a disconnected reference to how, everyone is "Horrified", and being fascinated with the uncomfortable, and awkward emotions of everyone in the theater, effectively licking the 'Tears of their pain', your own personal schadenfreude, I suspect it is seen as, "Sociopathic". You are expected to just be one of the Cows, and sit there and moo with the rest of them. As opposed to having a Higher order Brain, which allows you to evaluate the broader event, going on around you.

Third, when on your way home, and your date talks about being in a car accident. Don't Laugh, and say, "Good Lord, you are like a 'Little Tornado of destruction', everywhere you go!", I mean, sure, I know her, and she is....

I'm just not sure this warmed her cockles, for me.

I think it's also possible, I had the wrong Idea, Right out of the Gate, when I showed up, and she wasn't wearing a bra. In my own defense, I will also point out, that normally I would Blurt out, "Oh, You aren't wearing a bra", right at the point I notice it, which of course ruins the whole "Magic" or "Game" of it. Certainly, I could have "Gotten the Wrong Idea". Truly, the most probable answer is, that a movie with Angry Violent Sexual Content, is simply a "Bad date" movie.

It's funny, a few woman have suggested that I "Flip them some shit" from time to time. I just think... If I really gave someone "shit", told them what I "Suspected" about them, or what I, thought went on with them. Not a person would talk to me.