Saturday, September 29, 2012

call evil good, and good evil

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! -Isaiah 5:20

Oh! you are going to love this one.

Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.
Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality that sexual assault is about violence, anger and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

Myth: Erection or ejaculation during sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.
Reality: Erection or ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erections and ejaculations can confuse a victim of sexual assault this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erections or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.

Want to hear a tale of a Rapist...

   Woman with serious emotional damage from a Pervert Step father at 5 years old and then follows that up with 18 years of a pervert Sado-masochistic husband. Not the "regular kind" that uses safe words and is into freaky roll play. The kind that drags his wife to a basement and ties her up in the dark spending a manic night performing object rape and trying to see if he can manage an erection.

   Well she decides to go out on a date with 'some dude' he takes her to a movie where some 1930's guy is some kind of dominance rapist of prostitutes and the requisite scenes in the movie. She is 'triggered'/terrified by the experience, tries to hide the fact she is freaking out horrified and crying through the whole movie. She runs from the movie, spends a terrified night shaking and crying. A week later the guy calls her and asks her out again. she says no. he convinces her to have a drink and tell her why she doesn't want to date him. She goes for a beer with him. She tries to tell him about how the movie affected her. She cries, he convinces her to go out the the car. In the car she continues to try and tell him about it. In the middle of it, He says " It's just a movie baby!" Then he grabs her and Tries to Rape her. He puts two gigantic bruises on her thigh. She does escape, or so she says.

These people do exist... and they move through you life every day. You work with them. You know them... You think "They are ok". I spent most of my life not understanding why woman don't trust being alone with men. It didn't make sense to me. These days I get it. I honestly don't know what is wrong with many men. Honestly, in my teens I poked a but or two. Stupidly I just thought that was part of the seduction ritual. In my 20's I spent many an hour alone with woman, keeping my hands to myself. If I got a kiss I asked for it. I would hope for your sake that you find this as strange as I do, yet if you are a woman it's a dirty little secret that woman suffer with. Not to mention the numerous date rapes many woman suffer through, looking for mr. Right. And how many of them just accept it as somehow normal and marry them.

How about police who for the most part don't give a shit about rapes, discourage woman by telling them that "It will just be a lot of, he said she said" And the dirt little police secret, I'll almost guarantee that every cop in this country has performed a date rape... sure, it just some denial and rationalization "oh! it wasn't really rape... bla bla bla", She said no, that should have ended it.

Wither the humanity, This world We have created...... How do we do better?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

What to write.

Today was actually a nice day. I made a nice soup, thought I think it doesn't have enough salt. I really struggle with that. for some reason I think I don't let it sit or stir it enough as I'm adding salt. I also think I make such large batches that it has a hard time mixing in or something. But... Not enough salt.

Having a martini... I'm digging these things.

Oh! So today I decided to just gut it up Winchester. Some of it was that I had been screwed by a little head wind on one of my descents, so I thought. Maybe I will get a tail wind up winchester. So I just drilled it. Half way up I decided to mentaly tell the pain to stop... then I decided to actually shout "Shut UP!" at my body. It worked.. the pain built back up and I screamed it again at the top of my very spent lungs. Holy Shit! it worked... I couldn't believe it. I do believe the mind is a powerful thing, more that my mind is trying to get me to stop and I just need to tell it to fuck off.

I felt good today, I don't know why. It was nice. Maybe it's because I'm watching documentaries, and it makes me feel smart, or worthwhile. something.

Well that is my story and I'm sticking too it.

well you know, Martini...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Gin drunk and more.

(I've read almost every Hunter S Thompson book ever written, in addition to tons of Bukowsky. This post will be more like HST. Don't get me started on Burroughs... and fuck that kerouac... you have him to blame for all the hipsters)

Gin drunk... Feel like i'm gin drunk and on some speed. I don't know why. I should be laying in bed vegging out, but no, upset stomach and crawling the walls. I don't know why. Seriously feel like i'm on a meth binge trying to come down with gin... but it isn't working. What the fuck.....

Honest to god I don't know what the hell is going on. Part of it is my fault.... Leap into uncertainty... ya, leap into crazy. Why the hell is it so hard to find love. Saw 'End of watch', they said "Find someone you feel you can't live without"... I'd take someone I can live with... Live without, what the hell does that mean, I shit you not... I can leave it, in just about all cases. I've been thinking recently that is probably what is wrong with me. Hard to find someone that doesn't make me want to chew my arm off... I think that must be love....

ya... Gin drunk.. maybe if I lay down.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Where was I.

I need to accept that It's ok to not be verbose in my posts. I can write something simple and leave it at that.

It's 6am... I don't know what I want to write. I'd love to be asleep but that isn't going to happen. Would you believe there is not one god damn good thing going on in my life. I guess my fitness, but where is that going? I'm probably riding too much to compensate for the crappy stuff going on. Or should I say for the Lack of good stuff going on.

Yep... Not one good thing going on in my life. I'm having a couple of good ongoing conversations. I guess that is something. It's not exactly making it so that I'm rip roaring and ready to go in the mornings....

Sigh... It is what it is.

2 readers... I know you are the only ones... but I also know that if I write more other people who don't have news feeds will start reading this. If I write it, they will come.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sleep, Food, Bike rides

The last week has been the beginning of actual training. Training for what? Life of course. (I'm madly in love with West Wing right now it inspires me to take writing and talking more seriously. Which is why I now reflect on what needs to be a summary paragraph. Summary on a page yet to be written.). It's been a tough month. So tough I managed to finish nearly a gallon of cheep scotch. During all of this, I have managed to hit the bike every day. With the exception of one of the first days when I strained my back riding and needed a day off.

I remember all of this; I remember eating sensibly, I remember being hungry, I remember trying to find foods that were super filling. I remember Long days on the bike. Long rides with white line fever. Bonking with 7 miles to go, and dragging my ass home. Protein shakes. Being exhausted. Being irritable
 I was thrilled today when I put on my comfy pants and they have become comfy again. There were a few weeks where I had to start thinking about buying a whole bigger size of comfy pants.

Fuck.... seriously .... The Drama... The Drama has messaged me.... now instead of writing this... I get to deal with the drama.... This is my life.... this is what has been going on for a month... or a year. The Drama. It pukes up all over you, and you spend hours trying to clean up and sort it all out. As a.... Homage to my life as it is right now. This is the perfect representation. A few nice thoughts and an attempt to accomplish something.... with a sudden interruption from "the drama".

Monday, September 10, 2012

Some updates... lets get our groove on.

... Here I sit... I'm suffering some late night insomnia. I'm not sure how my actual sleep is since I'm taking a nap during the day. This is one of those times in my life where I just like the night better. It's quiet.

   I am trying to... well with my riding I now feel like I miss the blog. I had some great thoughts a few days ago, but they are fleeting. Most of my thoughts are on "Rape culture" surprise how I think nobody wants to hear my thoughts.
   Currently there are only two people who have this blog on their regular feed... I'm hoping to come up with some better thoughts and write them down. Something besides "rape culture", records, Strava, or my fatigue.

Stay tuned.

Monday, September 03, 2012

quest for the .25 rootbeer

I took the cruser out for a drunken quest for a .25 cent rootbeer. strange....

I have been drinking quite a bit these past few weeks. I'm enjoying it.... getting to know what it would be like to be a drunk. I've been here before.

what i thought was strange ... My .25 cent rootbeer was gone. Somehow I couldn't get another rootbeer for under $2.00... very odd. what has this world come to ... the little pleasure of a rootbeer ... $2.000