Saturday, April 10, 2010


I just read the past few post.... WOWW!!!!! THEY SUCK!!!

I'll try and do better in the future.

Sandy got me going, yesterday. I can be a bit of a hypochondriac, especially when it comes to my brain. I worry, I over analyse.... The whole bit.

I'm constantly obsessing about my mental health, how can you be "The Mop" and not ask a ton of "hard questions" about who you are and what you are doing. I don't doubt I'm a bit of a Nut.

He was worried I had gone manic. I'd pay money for a good manic. Not that I'm on the other side, It's just having a ton of energy to do a ton of crap would be great. I spend 2 hours working out, and 2 hours trying to recover. I spend 3 hours trying to wake up. The rest of my time, I spend working. I've gotten up at 4am-6am for 3 years... It's my usual time... most of you get up from 6-8... I'm just 2 hours ahead... and I normally go to bed at about 9 or 10... sometimes I Take an afternoon nap.

That is my life.... and I'm trying to "Have a life!"

Fighter pilots have a saying, about living on the "Edge of the envelope". For the past 4 months, i've been trying to not hold back.
I'm trying to see how close I can get to the edge....
I push it a bit from time to time...
I can feel myself start to fall...
and I pull back.

I've known that it was going to be difficult...
Nothing worth having is easy...
if it was easy... you would already have it.

But that edge is right there.... I can spit and see it fall.

Hopefully I don't fall off..... but maybe that is the big car wreck this blog has been looking for....

I'm willing to find out.... Lets hope for the best... and see how it works out

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