Sunday, April 25, 2010

Days of our lives

I need to clear a bit of it out of my head.

"Days of our lives woman" Emailed.

Now seriously, a week ago I was thinking, and was just.. blown away, as I became aware of some of the things she said to me. Nasty things. I was, and am, over it.

Here I sit, Weeks later... months later... I'm having little flashbacks...

Mostly, she is being nasty because, somehow she perceives me as "Ill-Will-ed" somehow.

Every one of you knows me. There may be an Angry bone, There may be a Frustrated Bone, There may be a Sad bone.

but there is not a "Go fuck yourself",
There is not at "you fucker",
There is not a "I'm going to Take you down!"
there isn't a "I'm going to slash your tires",

My penalty is "I will no longer try and bring Joy, Happiness, and encouragement, to your life."... But that is what you want right? I never understand... But I respect your right to be miserable. Sometimes, that is the process... sometimes being awful is just ... "You"

(shit.... that is kind of Co-dependent, isn't it.)

I see these people, all the time... and I say something to them...and they can't even believe that someone is saying good things to them. They assume the negative in all people.

This is "Her", this is "Days of our lives".... Upon reading the email.... I again, felt the dark, Felt the cold, Felt the black, Felt the horror.

Super hero me, superhero MaXX.... Wants to jump in....... "ONCE MORE INTO THE BREECH!!!" Super hero me, wants to break through to her..... it's so dark in there....

and I sit here.... and if she is going to try......maybe I can try....

It Costs... NOTHING, to be good, A smile costs NOTHING!


I allow some of you, to open the box, a little bit more, Some of you .... Get the choice....

In my Clark Kent Life... (I hate Clark BTW, and I'm not Bruce Wayne. I'm more a Peter Parker, or Bruce Banner.all of that and being an anti-Hero....) In this life....

It is very much is Pandora's box, You do not want to open it..... I swear, Keep the box closed... it's a much better game.

I was again, thinking about it a few days ago.

I worked 60-70 hours, last week... I work at 3 am, I work weekends.... My life is hard!... I'm in a constant battle to forget about it. ... and that is the thing... You want to know! "What is Clark Kent Like"... It's hard, every day.... Half the time, I'm trying to get Me going, not you... I'm trying to make, My Blood Flow... Not yours.

I'm a real person, I'm super smart..... I read people well... I communicate poorly.... I make mistakes.....

awwwww..... Crazyness!!!!

So.... More Teen Angst, Sorry. -Get Over It.(and get over it, and get over it!)

It's your world, Your box to open, Your choice to make, your life to lead....
Make those choices, Live that life, Open the box, Close the box....
It's all yours to do with, as you choose.

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