4am

It's morning,

I just spent 30 min going over traffic patterns from various websites. One would think I had a full-time job running shitty blogs.

I'm trying to get some projects going.... Bla Bla Bla... it's not all that interesting.

What did I want to tell you?

I kind of miss this blog.... Is miss a word?... let me look it up. Wow! it just looked strange to me. It's strange that this is all I can get out. I'm hoping to get my morning coffee and yogurt in me... Have some Me and You time with this blog.

Do you see what I do? stream of Conscience with this blog... I'm going through the motions with this blog... letting the shit hit the fan, where ever it lands.

I'm still on a Billy Joel thing, It's been nice.... I want it to be very loud... too loud for the morning.

The woman I was falling for; that is on haitus right now. If it's not the most obvious thing to you, I'm very poorly socialized, at a very important point, in my development as a child, we moved. It's made me very distant when developing relationships of all types. It doesn't help that my closest friend as a child, died in our Teens, as well as an older sister. So, Loss is my bag!

If that isn't the second most obvious statement, I've ever said.

One has to Bare with my poor social skills. If "on Haitus" isn't code for We have broken up, and I can't quite ... Deal with it, or Come to Terms with it, or Admit it. I think it's just me saying, I don't get woman, and there is that odd, on again -off again. I know, out there, that deep down... again you are hoping for me. Sure, you aren't going to say it. But I know, you are out there ... Hoping for me.

I'm so out of shape, well... I have a shape... and it's not In... it's more Out. I'm going to try more with this blog. This isn't a promise, but just a show of intent. It's still so hard to have a full horrible week of stress, and then instead of cozy up to a book or the TV and eat Orios(I don't do this, but I want to), to go out and ride. It's nice, if I can pull it off, but the problem is .. I want to pass out. I can't do anything but stress out on Saturday morning, So I may as well just put in some bike time.

Well, that is the whole dog and pony show for today.