Confession time

Some of you have had some updates on the cleaning and organizing going on here at the Bat Cave. It all started when I was talking to a long time friend of mine.

She said "You don't enjoy things do you!"

I said, "I like to ride my bike! Other than that it's all logistics. I toy with having a relationship every once in a while, it goes badly. I decide not to do it for a while(a couple of years). Honestly, I don't have a clue what you are talking about... What is it i'm supposed to enjoy?"

I'm not saying that life is miserable, what I'm asking is "Explain to me where this 'Joy' is."

This was all post "Shit is going to change, or stuff is going to get Broke!(illiteration(I know, not a word) intended). In on going conversations, I asked. "you seem to be very clean and very organized! I don't know how to do that. Do you have any tips."

Well, on it went.....

And the confession is; I seem to not be properly House Broken. Things are not bad. But... what the hell do I know. My blankets get cleaned Yearly. Sheets every month or 2. Dishes Pile up, in the office. Ya, dishes get done every few days. Counters get cleared once a week. I can't remember when my walls were washed. Sure, I'm a cyclist I do laundry daily, if not 3 times a week. But it doesn't get put away...

So, I didn't know how bad all that is.

Now, there is a whole system. Laundry is monday including sheets. Dishes every day, counters always cleared. No dishes in the office. No clothing on the floor. Shoes where they go...

And Every day, I try and give something a good scrub. A wall, an appliance, My desk.... Every day. Also, Any piles are gone through and Shit is thrown out.

and Kindly, Nicely... this woman has decided to help me sort this stuff out.

But I like having a clean bathroom. I like Clean sheets.. I'm a little unnerved that I almost want to sleep on top of them, so as not to soil them. I like having things not dusty. I like the progress of it. Who knows if, when I talk to a woman about Mildew free Tile, if she will think I'm as Queer as one of the guys on that sitcom. Shrug.... things are clean... and I'll get them Cleaner.

What does this have to do with enjoying things? Well, I will tell you what. Not having to worry about tripping on something. Also being able to have someone come over, without worry, about cleaning up first. Or being able to have worked my ass off all day. Jump into my clean bed. To not worry about "All the things I need to do" because i'm cranking them out one at a time, and I have a list... It's kind of re-assuring.

Truth be told, all of this has messed with the Garden, I'm a bit behind. Even though I have been cranking on it, the past few days.

But I think I'm good with it. And I'm not perfect... I'm a Recovering Disgusting Pig! and I think I just got my 2 month Pin.

Henry and June

I'm sure I have more to ramble about than Henry and June! but let's start there, see where it leads us.

I remember what I thought about it when I originally read it in college. It was like Soft core Porn, in literary form. Only, I'm not sure... maybe it's hardcore and romance novels are Soft Core. I'm not sure, since i'm not a big Romance Novel reader. But seriously....

"Henry and June" Illustrations

I stole this, so I figure I'd give a link to the artist. Awesome, I'm tempted to try and buy one. I suspect they will be a little overpriced... but you never know.

But..Anaïs Nin has a great way with words... I'm very Jealous.

There was a ton of work in the garden today, Things were thrown... words cussed... Work done.

When Did I become a person who "Throws shit"?... Personally, I'm not happy about it, but "it is". I seem to be coming to terms with some things that drive me up the wall! One of which is "If Somebody annoys The Mop enough he will just get angry and do it himself."

My nephew feigned taking a spade to me, I just smiled and laughed!

Notes

I am trying to start re-Reading 'Henry and June'.

From the preface:

"My book and my journal step on each other's feet constantly. I can neither divorce nor reconcile them. I play the traitor to both. I am more loyal to my journal, however. I will put pages of my journal into the book but never pages of the book into the journal showing a human faithfulness to the human authenticity of a journal"

It would be great if I could get through it.

I'm becoming more fond of the new season of "Doctor Who" It's a new doctor, new writers, new director.... it's an adjustment. The real problem is my expectations are very high.

It feels like things are easing up, out there in the World. Seems like the blow ups have happened, and it is all about putting things back together.

how did it get from Cold to Hot and sweaty. I'm not sure if I should put the blankets away.... Maybe if I do, it will get cool again.

bla bla bla bla...

Ms I'm Busy

I was doing my usual drudgery... Cleaning, Waxing, Weeding,

I was thinking there may be some confusion on Ms. "I'm Busy".

I met her 2 years ago, through some work stuff. She was really out there. Saying the most ridiculous, but true stuff. Which always impresses me. The thing was, there were a ton of indicators that she was a bit of a Socio-Path. She Hated Everyone. Looked for anything Petty to make fun of people about. Zero Friends. Couldn't stand her Family. Openly Stated that she didn't trust anyone.

You know... all the stuff that makes "The Mop" go.. "I can Save her!". Now, Honestly I didn't like her. She was Very High Maintenance. These are all HUGE RED FLAGS FOR ME. Never get personally involved with someone who can't get dirty.... Or Dirty(just a joke).

but she was also wrong on a ton of very important things, very important Social dynamics. In fact, it was like she was someone who didn't actually empathize with people. Someone who couldn't see things from anyone else's perspective.

We were acquaintances, and I agreed with a ton of things that she said. Then there was "We are Friends Right?" I told her, "I'm not sure we are there, but I'm willing to try.".Then she started Flirting with me, I blew it off for months. There were some jokes.

After thinking about it for a while, I said what the hell and Then there was some dating, and then it was ready to "Get More Serious". I was ready... and then she hit Eject....

Ok......

When she started emailing me again weeks ago. I was Cautious. I didn't care, but any form of relationship had almost Zero Chance. It seemed like that fuse was lit, and it was just a bomb waiting to go off.

but... it's been a long time since I've dealt with a borderline sociopath.... It's not fun!

She was a very bright, but ... she couldn't stop thinking that she knew what everyone was thinking and what they wanted....

If you actually have a brain, you realize. People are in a constant state of learning-growing and changeing... For the most part.

The time of the Concrete Static Reality/belief system are long gone. A a crumbling relic of a dying religion.

And Her worst horror was that she couldn't push my buttons... Because.. She knew nothing about me. Because she was never listening. And it was a series of her trying to be a bitch, and me just thinking that she was a horrible person.

But her Journey is her own.

Defense

I'm hoping the tide has changed. Today was mellow. It was nice.

As much Chaos as there is in my life right now. It's hard for me to say, "things feel weird", Or "My Spider Sense is Tingling", but it's also hard to feel like there has been something bad in the air and not raise the red flag(of course you can generate that bad juju, by talking about it. It's like "Do you have an itch?"). One still has to respect it, if you feel it.

None of this changes that it sounds stupid!

It's easy to play some D-fence, and keep your eyes open. And if there was an Album of the day, it was "Pink Floyd's, The Wall". Because Mine went up Big Time.

I rode on the sidewalk a few times today, to avoid some ugly traffic. I ended up doing a little Detour into the dirt, because for some reason, People couldn't get far enough onto the right side of the road. Apparently that 2 feet to the right is going to save them microseconds, as soon as the traffic loosens up. A Luxury Car was very convinced they could try and push me off the road. It's that The most expensive Vehicle has Right of Way, Kind of thing. Then some woman decided to drive down the wrong side of the street. One of those charming Utility Trucks, decided he wanted to swerve over 6 feet, While looking straight into my eyes, in order to scare me. It's funny how they don't realize, I've seen it before.

Seems like yesterday had some Skank to it, and today was not as bad. So far, it feels like it could be the start of a positive trend.

Unless you payed any attention to the middle east or the stock market.

Not so much, back in the saddle.

Mr. Booth would not be Proud.

About midday, I decided I was a "Man with a fork, In a land of soup". I called off every social engagement I have, and begged forgiveness. I have so much shit to do right now, I just can't manage anything social besides my very good friends.

I have met, so many amazing woman in my time. There is not one woman I have spent more than 15 minutes with, that I didn't and still don't think is absolutely amazing. I am very lucky when it comes to woman. I have no Idea how I do it.

This includes Ms. "I'm too Busy". I was doing Meta meditation for her today. Before Nancy gets on my case. I'm just saying I'm trying to clear my dislike for her, because that isn't healthy. She has been given the Dial Tone, Like nobody's business.

In the past year I have learned some amazing things about my relationships. I have learned that there are some Worth while woman out there. I have also learned, that I'm interested in settling down, and if things were healthy enough, I would be into adding a kid to the mix. In my Late 30's it's interesting to reflect that; if I wasn't ready for a kid At 30, I may never be ready in actuality, but I'm not in that position yet.

I have pulled the plug on any woman nonsense, until I feel like I have a better handle on things both at work, and here at home. I'm not sure how localized it is, but there was just some bad Shit in the air today. Julie has a new Stalker, Burke was almost eaten by a snake, there is a list as long as my arm.

I had 3 different conversations that were very strange.

Me, "But I don't want that"

them "But if you did!"

Me, "but I don't"

Them "Hear me out, If you did!"

Me, "I'm not sure you are hearing me, I DO NOT WANT THAT!"

One of the other ones was,

" Why are you dating Susan!"

Me, "I'm not. I told you I'm not Dating 'Susan' "

Them, "Susan is awful, why would you date her?"

Me, "Seriously, I Am Not Dating Susan!"

Some bad shit in the Air this week. Since my life is in such Chaos, it is hard for me to get any perspective on it. It could totally be just me or that Ms "I'm Too Busy" threw me sideways again and that was the cause. But I have to respect it, at this point. Pull in my horns. Accept that, like I said "Things are going to change, or shit is going to get Broken."

Some things are unfortunately getting broken, but the good news is things are changing.

Rebuild again, get the boat back in order and continue to sail.

Sleep!!! Strangest Life I have ever lead.

Facebook

So, after I thought about booting facebook, and rant about social networking. Nancy sends me this nice note today.. on facebook.

And so it goes... and so it goes!

But it was great, there were nice boundaries.. I think we both got something from it. It sort of reminds me about what I like about doing "The Mop" thing.

Another day... Another side of the same coin!

I will reiterate... Face to Face is always best! And I very much enjoy all of you....

... It is just difficult when things go ... SIDEWAYS!

hang on!

Social Networking

30 days sucked, and it also messed with any form of clear intent. Overall, a disaster I think. Live and learn.

I hate the phone, I disliked it before I did support over the phone, and I Hated it after. It's a miserable way to communicate. We Evolved to communicate face to face.

Now we have Email and Texting, and Facebook, and Twitter. They are miserable, and we hide behind them.

I don't mind the blog... Sure I border on Illiterate, but sometimes I can turn a phrase or put a few phrases together, that I feel work. A careful word or phrase can be effective(I wonder if i'll ever be careful).

But you can't communicate properly on these things, and to put your personal relationships in the hands of these... Nightmares.

When I was in my 20's I tried the Internet relationships, it was stupid. The best relationships are ones where you meet someone, find them interesting and build. Yet... we seem to be all reaching out for... Computer Salvation! Maybe there is the off chance that it works.

But it's a disaster. I've seen it time after time, where something is poorly phrased and someone blows it out of proportion or 2 sentences were edited and turned into one.. and it didn't work and we don't understand.

and everything goes sideways!

But I'm getting tempted to boot the facebook account. I'm not sure there is room for it in "The Mop's" life.

Back in the saddle

Way back Sleevie wrote a story about Fear... "You have to face your fear.. or it builds" he told the story about rock climbing.

I did some research about PTSD, and the cure is to talk about it, but overall we have to not Reinforce the fear.

Since I received my Hate mail. I keep thinking every woman in the world is going to Freak out at me. I'm hyper sensitive at the moment. Which isn't fair to people I know. This even extends to the Blog and twitter folk.

But the thing Sleevie would advise, is for me to face the fear. So... on my bike ride I decided, I needed to make sure I went on a date this weekend. So, I'll be adding that joy to my schedule over the next few days.

Honestly, I'm in some hypersensitivity to... Not turning my blog into "Days of our lives" So, I hope to avoid writing about it. But if there are funny stories... I won't be able to help myself.

So... Back on the Horse!!! Before I end up ... Scared of every woman I talk to.

This is Honest!

Matches

Weeks ago.. things were so manic.. "Everywhere" I reminded myself to keep my shit together, and save a few matches to burn, when things swung the other way.

Today, it feels like that is paying off. It feels like there are some bad winds out there. Usually this is reflected in the stock market. I'm not sure this time.

I want to get some good Mojo going. I want to thank everyone for playing #30 days of Content. It was an Adventure worth doing. With my "Foul" and Ryan sort of Trailing off. I think Kelly may have won. If it was a race, which it wasn't.

It was a valiant effort by everyone, amazing if you think about it. Ryan was Great! Kelly was Great! Sandy had some great posts! Greg, though he started it, Had a Tough But Proud ride.

Nancy gave out some solid encouragement!

Seems like we had the big ride... and it's time to rest up for the next Great Adventure in blogging. Again, You all did a fantastic job and it was a Fantastic Journey! AMAZING.

Hopefully we won't tell the grandkids about "When I was young, I tried to blog 30 days straight!"... but maybe we will.

Again! Thank you.... And a Big Thank you to all the readers who just Laugh at this tomfoolery... and ask "WHY are you doing this?"

You are all Amazing people..... Keep on Keeping on!

Allons-y!!!!

Notes

I was going to try a new thing "30 days of emotion"... BTW... that emotion of the day is Hebie Jebies. It's been a long time since I've delt with someone, like that. I know I can't help them, but ... you know SuperSupid Me. I don't fear trying, to at least deal with them.

But a good meditation is... as Nancy suggested... I didn't avoid them well enough. I'm also not sure that once she contacted me, that the fuse wasn't lit... and the bomb was going to go off.

The best part is, I don't have to work on that project. It was very stupid.

I'm just not into 30 days of emotion. The Idea was I write down the emotion of the day. I guess I've done my first one... so I'm covered. The other part would be to write about/meditate on. That emotion.

Today was a day to reflect on my own mortality.... It's all good...

Bike time

Thank the lord for the bike!... nice leg spin... get's the world all ...

Regular again.....

I love that thing!! I'm not sure I've ever said it... I love my bike!

allons-y

Creeper Mode

30 days of content day 30.

Nice to end this 30 days on a high note. I'm in Creeper mode... I'm just being honest. I have a ton of things on my Calender. I guess my SuperHero self feels like there are a ton of people out that shouldn't be interacted with... UCK!!!!!

I just have the Heebie Jebies..... Like nobody's Business.

and as Nancy suggested, I sort of brought it on myself.

I feel like there is some bad mojo out there and I'm not into it...

What the hell is Creeper mode...

Good question... but it feels apropos.

I need a 3 hour bike ride!... and a refill of the soda can!

Looks Like a 30 days of content Foul.

30 days of content 29 Part 2

Nancy Just Pulled my "Yellow Card" on the "Emotional Vampire post".

I pulled it, Feels like, and even when I wrote it, it was confused and Skanky!

When I wrote it, My sort of point was, there are people who "Suck your energy". People who are in a constant state of Negativity. Our Moods spread, they act like a virus and it spreads.

It's part of "De-escalation of the negative emotions". You can suggest that her negative energy, had me, and still has me this morning.

Unfortunately as readers , I then spread that Negative Bullshit onto you. I apologize to those who read it. So, I guess by example you realize what I mean. About "Black Holes of Emotion" who just spread their Darkness to those around them.

Which is the opposite of what I'm trying to do.

Fortunate for me, Nancy was there to "Call my shit"!

and I'm thankful.

Never watch a cyclist eat a dogunut

30 days of babble... day number Eight Million Three Hundred Sixty Five.

I put in a few miles today. Marina and home. First time out there this year. It was nice, nobody was out there, lots of 'Civilians'. I've been trying to rethink my eating plans. With the bonking training, I've been trying to time it so that I eat early, and if I want to run into the Wall the last 30 minutes, I can time it.

I rolled out without the Chamois Cream! I needed it on suncrest. My rule is anything over 40 miles. Strangely.... and to be perfectly honest. I went to get it, and found myself Facebooking... etc.. Out there, I totally waved at everyone. Chatted with everyone. Hopefully we all know how important it is for cyclists that are starting to get a little recognition from the more veteran riders... A little acceptance. It may keep them in the Super Suit, and not give up. Especially when we aren't sure that we look like dumb asses in our Kit.... Seriously... we all look like dumb asses in our kit... And have you seen those Helmets! I think the only thing dumber would be to stand at the bike shop, Look in the mirror and say "Does this look dorky?"

With my food management, I pulled one cliff bar and ate it on the way. then at the marina I drank a coke. On the way back before I hit the hill on 5600 or the first gas station I hit. I went in and picked up a doughnut... Oh! my weakness for doughnuts!!! As I got out of the store, I shoved it in my mouth... the Creamy Filling dripping down my chin. I got to my bike, wiping up the filling from my chin. I look up. There is one woman in a Jeep staring at me. A woman putting gas in her car, and a third woman who rolled in on a bullet bike with her boy!.... All of them staring at me.

"Never Watch a Cyclist Eat a Doughnut!", I bellowed and shoved the rest of it in my Pie Hole. All three laughed.

Memorial day

30 days of content... day 9342.65

I'm exhausted, I need better sleep. Memorial Weekend, time to remember the fallen. Strange the rituals we come up with. I saw a family who put out a basketball hoop and a teddy bear.. the whole bit. Elaborate flowers, built into an entire bed to cover a grave. People who go out and trim the lawn around the marker. Rinse and soap it down, a nice polish of wax.... etc...

I gave a nice smile to a woman who was headed out to a grave... She wasn't happy... I guess some people see it as indentured servitude to the dead. I like to look at the dates that they died, and remember what was going on on those dates. "Oh! this person died when Nixon was in office. " This child never even saw the Stock market crash of 1929"... I also think that many people are opting to be Cremated these days. Maybe we will have a new ritual, Put out a picture of the person on memorial day. Either that or we will just start to forget the dead.

(Quick note... I want to work up some good posts, and I'm exhausted. Maybe with some time to reflect.)

Punt!

30 days of content 26

We are getting there... it feels like we are coming to the end of this 30 day drama, and there are no more tricks in the legs... Just need them to get me through and it is Friday, and I have had a very full week. I'd love to sleep in.... won't happen... even "The Mop" is tired of his nonsense on friday!

I think... I'm getting this one in, just under the wire.

So very busy today... I did so many things, I can't even list them. I didn't make it on the bike, but the weather had me... it was raining at my usual ride time.. and I ate and then did more work.

I attacked, somebody attacked, I countered, they countered.. somebody won.

My chest of drawers... is lemony fresh!!!

Rally Mop Rally!

#30 days of content 25

Spic and Span... I wonder where that phrase comes from.

The product took the name from a common phrase meaning extremely clean, "spick and span", which was a British idiom first recorded in 1579, and used shortly afterwards in Samuel Pepys's diary. A spick was a spike or nail, a span was a very fresh wood chip, and thus the phrase meant clean and neat and all in place, as in being nailed down. The "span" in the idiom also is part of "brand span new", now more commonly rendered "brand spanking new", and has nothing to do with the words "Spanish" or "Hispanic".

I swear, I'm almost there on the Kitchen and Bathroom. I still need to fix some broken grout... etc. Seriously, Every project I've put off for years, is getting cranked out. ... I guess this is all part of the "Shit is going to change... Or it's going to get Broke"(The poor usage of the English language is intended.) I'm always playing it by the skin of my teeth. I feel like i'm ... I just don't feel like I've been as attentive to your feelings as I would like to be.... You know, I'm caught up in scrubbing and mowing and trying to get the garden sorted out and work. The bad part is all the chemicals, they keep building up in my system.. and it's messing with me. It has my mojo off kilter.

I sit down tonight and look through the blogs, and there is just some amazing stuff out there I've been so caught up in my own Cleaning Haze... and Honestly.. some Vial mojo, which I guess i can blame on the chemicals... but... I'm happy to own it. But I feel I've missed all this great work going on out there... So many hours, not enough Allons-y

I did a small ride today.. I want to puke when i'm out on the bike, I'm running 70-80% and my legs just Burn, and are empty. I did have some nice sustained 20mph uphill efforts today. I would love to put in some real miles. I think i'm done with the heavy duty stuff though. Now just need to push them to the finish line....

I have the worst attempt at a post... Honestly, if I put some work into it... It may get better... I think it has a strong finish... but I'm working on it.

Everybody is perfect, but could use a little work.

Guess who is back?

This is Pre 'Coffee date Woman'... the "I'm busy Woman", With Manners BTW. She is in a "I like having you around, kind of thing.

I like having me around.... I ROCK!!!

Sometimes, people don't realize when I get them all worked up, or when I get their project Rocking and Rolling! They don't realize, that is what I'm doing... they think it's organic. I'm working to generate momentum... When you do this... you have to watch for "Anchors", and you try to get them in line, or you cast them off.

This post sucks!!!

Fairly sure i'm over it. There is such a darkness with that one.

Running on empty

30 days of content 24

I'm skipping much of my cleaning today. Work, and i'm going to try and get some mojo back. When I was looking for Gardie stuff, I looked through the old blog. UGH!!! Even reading some of it... Here is some honestly, I want a nice posts. Sometimes I feel like I'm shooting the moon, and can't get them out, even when they are impressive, or at least readable.

I'm in a cleaning funk! I need to get some rest, then rally, and my schedule is packed.

This is how Scattered I am. I was listening to x96 the other day... Ugh.. I guess at nearly 40 I'm starting to hate that station. It's like reliving the early 1990's... in the 1990's when they played the same shit..... I wished they would play "Bitchen Camaro". But... I hated what they played in the 1990's, here it is 20 years later... now they play Retro! What Retro... 1990's... It's nice we have a station that hasn't purchased a new(to them) record in 20 years.

This is what I have for today... maybe something later.