Tuesday, March 01, 2011

The Wheel!!!!

Many years ago I talked about an episode of farscape:

John Crichton: My grandmother used to say that life is a great wheel. Sometimes it grinds you down to the mud, and other times it lifts you up into the light.

Ka D'Argo: Are we strapped to this wheel?

John Crichton: That's a given. The point is, is that most times you get a second chance. You just gotta wait for the wheel.

It's at 50 seconds into this video.

This has been my theme for the past few days/Month. My Yogi Cousin showed me a picture of Samsara. "Continuous flow", the Wheel. The cycle of life. It reminded me.... then the quote was stuck in my head.

There was a time where I thought it was almost a parable for being Bi-polar, Or for the emotional cycles we suffer or Indulge ourselves in with our training blocks, maybe natural bio-rhythms..... and maybe it kind of is.

I have been watching some "Deadwood" there was a quote. "Change calls the tune we all dance to".

For the past few days, my email has been filled with the usual breakup bile. Please don't feel bad for me. I could block her. I could do many things. I just.... it didn't feel right. I know how this works.

Also... for all .... intents and purposes I asked for it. I told her to send me her hate mail. I knew it was coming. I poked at it, like a tiger in a cage with a stick. I also knew she didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Now it has been a few days of messages. I of course am not engaging, I'm just taking it.

It has been days of what an asshole I am. I of course don't understand, if i'm an asshole... why I'm getting e-mail from her. I mean, what is there to gain. I guess some things are not for me to understand.

As an Aside, I did want to mention how great all "The Mop"s super friends have been. One of those times, on almost all fronts that many of you have kept me centered. I've been very thankful and Happy about all of you. It's a far cry from how isolated and withdrawn I was a year ago, when I decided to start "Asking for help" and reaching out to other people besides my usual friends. I've also done a great job of being vulnerable to some of you, and you have responded in kind. I just appreciate my "SuperFriends" One and all. Even those that didn't know and still don't know what they have meant to me over the past few days. Including: "Not my Coach", "not my Tactile Girlfriend", "Cracked Pelvis/Elvis", "J-Radness", "The Jackass who made fun of my Triple", "Woman who Threatened me, if I break someone's heart", "Dupree D.B.A. Medical Woman"... and a long list of troublemakers, Heartbreakers, and long gone Hard-chargers. I'm honored to have you all as my friends, and it's been a long time since I've said thank you to you all.

To get back to my point, Finally tonight "She" started to mello out... Finally got much of it out of her system. Like I've said before, "The process of self help, is within us all" We just have to stop repressing things. Just have to start being vulnerable to the right people. Expressing our pain, instead of feeling like we are Whining or a Cry-baby. To be honest, those are the terms the "Other People" the abusive people use in our lives to, force us to live horribly with the pain that they have their entire lives. Misery loves company. Those miserable Fuckheads.... what you to suffer too.... When honestly "the process of self help is within us all". And "she" feels better. I think I feel better.

And the Wheel has Turned.......... Like John says "Wait for the Wheel". Many of us Fear change, I think that is a mistake, we should fear being mired down in the same Muck and Grime. We should fear stagnation. We should enjoy the change. Take pleasure in the change, pleasure in the wheel.

Wait for the wheel...... Change is the music we all dance to.

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