Tuesday, March 22, 2011

on Myth and meltdowns

.... Start in the middle, work my way out.

I had a tough day at work monday, it is still haunting me. I like to think i'm very good at what i'm doing. Of course self doubt kicks my ass from any real self confidence. Ugh....

Seems like spring has sprung... though my greenhouse doesn't show it. With it, brings melt down season. The usual pattern is that most of us go into a manic state through may. Then there is a bit of a large scale meltdown. Sort of a, "the crops have been planted, now it's time to fall down.".

But.... I've got a few of the mop friends who are having a bit thing, including me. Work was ugly yesterday, like I said it still haunts me. I'm getting tempted to become a financial advisor. It seems like a horrible idea. Yet I sort of love the idea. Point was, yesterday was ugly... and it sort of spiraled into a small scale melt down. BTW I think that makes 5 for the year. I must be pushing things much too hard.... Leaping into that uncertainty.... just a little more... unsteady than I'd like. Pushing things a little harder than ever.

I remember last year... Allonz-y. There was only a little bit of chaos. This year feels like things are much harder.

I think .... you know.... middle work my way out. I just, want to send everyone some good Mojo!! you are all very great, I've got your back..... Let me know what I can do. I of course may have to start taking appointments. I love you all.....

I have a friend who has sent me some of the lamest messages for the past month... This isn't the ex... but I just get some of the stupidest lamest e-mails from this person. Just stuff that is rude and nasty. Then I think this person doesn't realize how it keeps pushing me away. Some people run this odd reverse thinking, where somehow they think conflict is the way to grow together.

hmmm.... well this post may or may not be going anywhere.... but I guess it's finished.

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