On mice and mockingbirds

   The great american dream, to write the great american novel. Years ago a friend quit his job to go on a trip to write the great american novel. In discussions with various friends. I found that they all seem to have written some novel of some sort... or four or five.
   In school as part of the art department, I always felt like the pursuit of art had to be for it's own sake. If you paint it much be because you love to paint. You do it for nothing, like any artist if you are ever really noticed it's after your death. Until such point, you are waiting tables or cleaning toilets, Accept it.
   One of the reasons I write this Bullshit is to refine my skill, and for whatever reason I seem to have a ton of "rants" or repressed thoughts and feelings.... are thoughts different from feelings in the context of expressing them in literature? So, I write. For this very moment it feels good. I have 3 good paragraphs, I seem to have some content. I seem to be inspired at 6:14 am.

   This Pie in the sky dream, to write. Not just to write to get published and have it be one's job. But even to write to just be read, to have someone enjoy some concept or idea I have. To even sculpt that idea into some written words on a page. That is something I do love. This dream to write something worthwhile. I was in some lame ass verbal war with some asshole or some such.... I said If you want to stop a war or change this world, you won't do it with a gun. Write "1984" write "of mice and men", or "To kill a Mockingbird" or Write "The grapes of Wrath". Books and ideas that changed the world.
   I remember reading To Kill a Mockingbird, I remember what a beautiful balance of the issues of racism and justice it brought up. One of those great books that when you close your eyes, it changes the way you think forever.
   So, in my spare hours of idle worthless muddling. My thoughts are about what makes a great novel. Subtle nuance of a theme, The political discussion using the allegory of an animal farm, or the up front narrative of a conflict told by and innocent in a small Southern town and it's struggle with personal conflict and racism, as in To kill a mocking bird.
   There are many themes I'd like to write about, Rape culture, The current political conflict, social conflict, an essay on the misunderstandings of Atheism, Broad themes about moral and ethical bankruptcy.
   I write here. I'd like to write better. It's best if I try to write every day.  For 5 years I have wanted to write a story, a short story, and get it published.
   and the humiliation to desire the most silly and self absorbed quest in the world... To write the Great american novel.