Wednesday, July 10, 2013

life and limb

   I went to bed early last night. Woke up this morning, I think I was hoping to wake up with a renewed sense of life or excitement. I just woke up refreshed but with the same pain. I don't deserve this. Yes save me the platitudes about how we don't get what we deserve. Yes, I should stop settling for less. I should demand more out of my life. Well that was easily said.

To look back on 40 years of life, to even reflect on other lives. Even say accomplished people and say, "is that all" This is what we are here for? That is life? I have had more sex than anyone I know in the past 3 years. Yet it's been miserable. I remember what it was like when I wasn't dating. I think, that wasn't that bad, it was at least more pleasant than this. or it was less unpleasant than this. .It doesn't make sense that life should be like this. I sometimes reflect that some peoples lives are more like bacteria, or fungus attached to this planet. They just kind of grow and consume what they can. I'm not sure you can call that a life. It's not surviving it's just consuming.
That being alive is so unremarkable, that it is so pedantic. It makes me sick to my stomach... makes me be even less interested in this thing y'all call life. Whooo hooo your toddler pooped in the potty.... Wow... we really are reaching for the moon there. Worse, to have such a low bar and be bad at it.

cure cancer.... but what will be the result of that? more bacteria.

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