Letting it all go.

I was asked about my year the other day. I will admit I feel good, I'm getting back into shape. I feel good. That being said my reply was, "This is about the worst year I have ever had." My oldest brother died in april. My other brother fell off a roof two weeks ago and has been in the ICU until just a few days ago. Ridiculous fights with just about everyone. Yet in some ways my family is getting healthier, much healthier. Through all the fighting, through all the drama... everyone is responding. Tooth and nail blood feuds.

   In all this, I seem to have shed both my unhealthy love interests. I really think I have done it this time. I've accepted that though they love me.... Their love is hollow. That as one person says "the juice is not with the squeeze". I've been haunted by this all day. For some reason I have also been haunted by the blade runner sound track This was really the theme to.. to the romance I had that I should have kept.... The one that I should have married. I let her go, she moved on, had 2 kids. Great husband.... That is life. But this soundtrack reminds me of getting high and being in love.

I'd like to do all of that again....

I've seen things you wouldn't believe.....