Story... Office Depo

  This is seriously my life. This is what it is like to be me. You have to remember that my job... everything I do is centered around Fixing things. There is no bullshit with me. It is broke... it gets fixed. I do it as quickly and cheaply as possible.

   I needed an adapter for my stereo. I ran off to target, where I couldn't find it. The I delved into one of my local office depo. OH I hate that place. It's great if you want some paper... or ink. I walk in and sure enough there is the vulture sitting there
"Can I help you?"
My first instinct is to say "No, there is almost no fucking chance you can help me in any way.". Only today, and evil smile crossed my lips. Today I know the exact name of exactly what I want. "Sure, I need an 1/8 inch TRS connector which is the same as a headphone jack, to an RCA connector which is also known as a stereo component connector, do you have that?"

Confused... bewildered.... She said... " I don't know"

I said "now could you show me the various places connectors and audio stuff may be"

"well, here and here", she said as she asked the manager, if they had any 'audio stuff'

I said, "well is there anywhere else they may be?"

"no, but they say we don't have anything like that"

I replied "well if you don't mind, can I still look around... just in case you know... maybe you have it... and don't know it" I wanted to say 'just in case you are as totally incompetent as I think you are.'

I wandered around... found exactly what I needed. Walked up to the front counter where she was 'found it', I said.
"oh good", she said
"sure am glad I kept looking, you could have cost the store a sale"

It's ironic that there are these idiots sitting there at work. Trying to help the store... yet... there they are Losing the company money..... "can I help you?", me "you can't even help yourself"

Harry times

I had to look up "Harry". It's a great word.

I'm oozing Beer and wing Sweat, what a charming visual that is. This blog ... it's for all the things I can't say. Maybe my goal should be to not have things that go on in my life that I can't say.

 My intent last night was to just drink some Gin and then go home. Some things escalate when they shouldn't or maybe they should have. Hopefully I just needed a good purge. Hopefully it's done. Not like anything happened. There was beer and wings that were too hot, and a conversation with some nice woman. Some times, for whatever reason the idea that some night drinking, got out of hand, brings frightening images to mind. I've never had a night like that, worst case is a night where you end up puking behind a dumpster. Series of awkward conversations, mostly where your breath smells so much of beer nobody wants to talk to you anyways..... Regretting every moment after the point you said "I'm going to go out".

My intent this morning was to get up early and ride my bike, feel like I'm not a lump of 200lb shit. Like I"m trying to become athletic..... I hiked for 4 hours yesterday, that was brutal. I wanted to get up this morning and ride my bike and maybe take it easy today.... maybe love myself some... Now here I sit, sweaty... indigestion... wanting to just go back to sleep for a few hours and feel better then....

I have to remember what I learned as a kid, nothing good ever happens at a bar.

woman with the tatoo

 Enter woman on the edge of being a white trash crack head. Putting her life back together... She gets a tattoo of all her children's names.
"see I love them so much I have had their names tattooed on my back", she says.

Little do you know she lost the first because she couldn't provide food and left her at her mother's house for weeks at a time.
Little do you know the next two she gave up for adoption, the new parents deciding not only to refuse to allow the mother any contact, but also the grandmother. Regardless of their declarations of love. Grandmother abandoning all three of her kids at about 12 years old, mostly because the kids poor behavior was interfering with her finding a decent man... Of course dad ... both of them were pedophiles. But... she loves her kids. CPS took those two after abandoned them to go on a crack binge with dad.
  The next two... well after managing to stop cps from taking them. Dad and his father decided that 3-4 years old was good enough to satisfy their sexual desires with the young girl.... Those two children are now with dad's mother. Tattoo woman's mother exclaims with no irony, "but she is the one who let her kids get molested in the first place".....

The jaw dropping irony... the kind that can only make you sit stupid and drool.... "I know how to be a mother!!!" but two of your kids are in jail for felonies... and being child molesters....

She couldn't take care of her kids, couldn't feed them, Couldn't keep them safe, couldn't be bothered to watch them on the weekends.... but she loves them.... She has a tattoo.

life and limb

   I went to bed early last night. Woke up this morning, I think I was hoping to wake up with a renewed sense of life or excitement. I just woke up refreshed but with the same pain. I don't deserve this. Yes save me the platitudes about how we don't get what we deserve. Yes, I should stop settling for less. I should demand more out of my life. Well that was easily said.

To look back on 40 years of life, to even reflect on other lives. Even say accomplished people and say, "is that all" This is what we are here for? That is life? I have had more sex than anyone I know in the past 3 years. Yet it's been miserable. I remember what it was like when I wasn't dating. I think, that wasn't that bad, it was at least more pleasant than this. or it was less unpleasant than this. .It doesn't make sense that life should be like this. I sometimes reflect that some peoples lives are more like bacteria, or fungus attached to this planet. They just kind of grow and consume what they can. I'm not sure you can call that a life. It's not surviving it's just consuming.
That being alive is so unremarkable, that it is so pedantic. It makes me sick to my stomach... makes me be even less interested in this thing y'all call life. Whooo hooo your toddler pooped in the potty.... Wow... we really are reaching for the moon there. Worse, to have such a low bar and be bad at it.

cure cancer.... but what will be the result of that? more bacteria.