Encounters of the third kind

3 odd years ago, I started a journey. Pardon me, I feel absolutely sick right now. Not the kind of sick where you have a cold or the flu for a few days. Sick as though I'm casting off some serious demons, sick as though i'm transitioning from one life to another. From what was to what is going to be. You may ask, "where have you been mop?". Well for the past 3 years it's been a bit of a journey, experiencing an aspect of life which most of us want to pretend doesn't exist. Some time ago I may have mentioned how I was learning about why woman didn't feel safe, why people are afraid of people or men or things around them. Over the past 3 years I have learned much about why.

Many of you have wondered why I have been so interested in the Josh Powell story. There was a point where his father came out and started talking delusional about Susan and started calling her a whore. Over the past years, I've learned that these are hallmarks of a Pervert.... a Child Molesting pervert. For the past few years, I have spent way too much time in Anti-denial about the perverts that live in our midst... and the way they talk and live, and how they get away with what they do.... and your denial helps.

So, where have I been? well I have had a few years of experiences, First hand experiences dealing with various perverts.... it's funny when you manage to see them and realize that they are real... and are around us all the time..... and what to do about them... how to deal with them and how to handle them.... and how not to handle them.

Here I sit, I feel like someone who has been off to war and has had a few days of rest and restoration/recreation. I feel more like I want to puke than .... restored.

I guess more on this later....

Feeling a bit wibily woboly

I am not sure how to start. I am feeling lousy. That big 40 is coming. It seems to be part of what has me down. Evaluating my life at 40. My lack of exercise at 40. My lack of a decent life at 40. Lack of real love at 40...... fun fun fun.... going to lay in bed for a few extra minutes ...

Valentines duality....

I was reflecting on the possible dichotomy between Valentines and Single Awareness day.

My entire life I have always felt like Valentines should be like it was when we were kids where everyone got a valentines, and we picked through a box and tried to apply our feelings to each other from a box of pre-made valentines... giving those extra special ones to those extra special people.

As I was reflecting on it and was reading about how many people see Single Awareness day. As either a Celebration of being single or a desire to be counted on a day that points out your misery at being single( it is called SAD ). It made me realize how this holiday which should be about love, seems to have become about cards and about being in love with your significant other.

It seems like what could be a nice holiday about our affection for each other... like many holidays it's become about our feelings about our self and maybe about our own self loathing and insecurities. Maybe next year I will remember and just share that deep and innocent love and caring for each-other. Here is to next year...

Wake at ass crack :30... what do I do at asscrack :30

That is the problem with getting up, you have to do something. I guess one of the things to do is get up and figure out, What to do.

Oh, Fun.... sit and blog this.... I'm hoping it goes somewhere.

I'll bet some coffee will help. Of course .. I made me a big breakfast; biscuits, sausage, eggs with Salt Cod.

Posting something

I had some very important thoughts to post.... then they ran out... I want some good sleep and a calm life....

More commercial culture

I was watching something on Hulu... apparently i'm expected to watch all the Superbowl commercials and Pick my favorite. It's apparently what all the cool kids are doing.

If this doesn't solidly encapsulate significant portions of what is wrong with us and what passes for our culture... I don't know what does.

Late night movies

It has been a few years since, with much weighing on my mind, I have laid awake watching movies in the wee hours of the morning. I find it interesting how movies in this frame of mind seem to resonate more clearly. The music and story seem to have more depth. Maybe because its an escape ... it must be easier to suspend ones own disbelief when we want to run from the life around us.

Hmm

Superbowl notes.

There are many things to comment on tonight.

I was so exhausted by my day I fell asleep at nine thirty. I thought it bode well for my night until I woke up at twelve thirty....

Pop...non culture.

I've somehow managed to catch up on all my marketing. I'm sure it has to do with watching the Superbowl. By "marketing" I mean the attempt by marketers to get me to buy more crap. It sounds like the rumor of a " Ferris Bueller part 2" was just a ruse to get me to buy a car. Charming that Matthew Broderick is unwilling to make a sequel, but still willing to cash in. Lets keep hopping for LadyHawk 2(side note; Michelle Pheifer is that old?). I'll still hang onto hope for a beloved "Square Pegs Reunion", of course that Merritt Butteric died of AIDS in the late 80's isn't helping my cause.... and that it would probably come off as more of a "Sex in the City Prequel".

I'm also a little confused... did the Price Line Negotiator die? I'm not sure I can handle this news, when added to my previous disappointmet with Ferris Bueller 2.

I guess I'm just going to have to keep my hopes alive with the idea of "War Games 2"

The Powell Family.... Either he or his father killed her. If his father killed her, he missed all the signs and did not help the police catch him.... which is a solid sign of some kind of Psycopath father with an unnatural hold on his son. If He did it, or he enabled his father to get away with it.... either way he should never have be allowed to see his kids again. As evidence of what a bad idea it was to have his kids never see him... I present the evidence that he killed himself and the two kids last night.

Unfit father, Unfit Parent, unfit grandfather.... ya... the fucker did it.

Side note: if your father in law has a hangman's noose with some kind of doll in it in his office, I'd suggest you keep your kids away. Just saying.

Ramble

I'm not thrilled by my daily ramble. I want to try and correct that.

I have a kink in my back/neck this morning. I managed to go to bed early, only to wake up after a few hours of sleep, i'm hoping to catch a late morning nap. The kink is from tension.

Ugh... now I forgot what I was going to write about.

This is going to be fun.

Well I wanted to blog something every day, I'm sure I'm failing.

I just checked web stats for this blog, either I have it set up wrong. Sorting that out will take another day. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that I have very few visitors. The ones I do have probably visit by blog feed.

What was I going to blog about..... Ops I don't quite remember. I'm still in a bit of purgatory, much of it will be over tomorrow. I'm strangely excited about that, I guess I like dealing with stuff and getting it out of the way.

I did just wonder if I outlived Jim Morrison..... who I don't think made it to 30.... google says?

he died at 28... yep older by jim morrison by 12 years.

Direction non direction

I was reflecting tonight. As focused as I tend to be, as well as the universe tends to talk to me. The funny thing is that I have two friends who are the opposite. They both have told me about their dreams, the strange thing is the sort of reality that is developing from them both. As much as I feel I have vision, it is strange to me that they both seem to ... or might see things the way they really are, in their dreams.

I guess the thing is, they are less in touch with what is going on... but their dreams are letting them see ... what they can't with their own eyes.

strange....

and bogity boogity boogity.... Much magic mumbo-jumbo going on late at night, in the middle of winter.

Damn..

This is insomnia

Not feeling well.

This is one of those times. My big 40 b-day is coming up. All downhill from there. Downhill... I like who I am, I like how I live... but if things go more downhill, I am in trouble.

As a quick aside, I kind of want to watch movies for a few days. I guess I want to escape....... escape what??? Damn its not even my life I want to escape. 

Back to it.... probably ten years I have been trying to live a better life. Making the worst mistake.. hoping it would just happen. Took me 3 years to realize that wouldn't happen just by hoping. As my Muse might say "just do it"

Fuck fourty and here I am.... wanted to be elsewhere.