spin twirl and suffer.

I'm sitting here remembering what it was like to blog all the time. I just took a shower and I remembered how strange it used to be when I could just write anything that came into my head. I guess there was a point in time that I faced all my demons. Funny that now I feel like I have faced them. Like most of them have moved past me. Most of them... and when I say "Most" I mean all the ones that I knew about that I feared. Well those fears, those demons have moved past me... moved on.

What is strange though.... I can't share "what is going on" inside this old mouse infested head of mine. Mostly because it is not my truth anymore, it's other peoples truth. I've been entrusted with them and I don't get to share them. Now I realize that what I need to do is face my fears... and part of that is to talk about them and confront all the "things" that mess with us. To share that "dark place" to share that Dark terror that nags and haunts us. It's funny I keep encoraging people to share it... yet... they keep going back to hiding it. No mater how much better they think it is to share it, and to let me connect with them and their pain. They keep wanting to hide it... they don't get how I want to hear it... I want to share it... that it is the natural thing to share that pain with another person.....

they just bury it.... "it's my cross to bare"... then they eat it..... and it just tears them to shreds....

Nancy said to me.... "why is it that it seems to be better when I say it. That all I have to do is say it".....

funny that that is just what I want to do.... I just want to share it for them.... problem is.... they don't ....

So I watch them spin and suffer.....