Saturday, June 02, 2012


... suffering some. My brain is trying to sort out the things that have happened over the past year. It's like the librarian grabbing half the stuff on the shelves and trying to resort it. It takes a while.

It isn't that I'm not sleeping, its that i'm not sleeping at the correct times. I have been sleeping most of the morning away. What, as everyone says you must do is force yourself to be awake. The problem is that the dysfunction that comes with the insomnia, is a lack of productivity. One starts falling behind. I did manage to get a ton of work done from noon to 9pm at night, with my sleep schedule. At least I was getting stuff done. Yesterday, it was irrigation day. I stayed up most of the day and managed a couple short naps, but I was worthless for most of the day in any real terms. I hoped that I would fall asleep tonight and wake up at something nice like 5-7am.... but no dice... my body stuck to the schedule it knows... I woke up at midnight and have been up ever since. now as dawn breaks... fatigue is taking me.... ugh... maybe 2 more hours of sleep will do the trick.

and why do I tell you about this.... Ya... I don't know. The worst part is laying in the dark... having the thoughts I haven't allowed myself in a year. I'm also thinking about what my life is going to look like from now on. These are some heavy thoughts. For reasons I can't remember, I knew I was holding back on this stuff and had been not processing these thoughts for a few months. It was driving me up a wall. I will probably spend the next 3 months going through it all. I just wish I could do it on a few more hours of sleep.... I need to get some stuff done.

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