Friday, November 02, 2007

This was funny, I figured I'd share....

Open Letter to Salt Lake City Mayor Ross Anderson AKA Rocky Anderson.

(If It was good enough for your parents, and your original campaign(s) for senate it's good enough for me(I also have a thesis that people that insist on nicknames are lunatics(I'm sure you’re the exclusion and not the rule( Why not "Conan", or "third leg" if you get to pick.))).

Dear, soon to be Former Mayor Anderson, or should I refer to you as the Artist formerly known as "The Political activist, Mayor Anderson".

As you end your term in office, I wanted to thank you for all of your service to the City. I also want to note, your continued ability prioritize your time in such productive ways, and thank you for being my surrogate father.

As the Mayor of the city, I'm very happy to see you take time away from the important tasks of making this city run more effectively on it's limited tax base, and provide important services for the common welfare of it's citizenry. I'm a life long democrat, activist, common "Dubja" dissenter and to see you take up the important task of fighting those horrible "bottles of water", makes me proud to be associated with you.

I'm a long time water connoisseur, and avid reader of health and science texts, and wanted to point out the numerous studies that have shown the danger of fluoridation in water and its ties to thyroid problems. Which could be one of the numerous causes, in addition to their fast food, video game lifestyle, of the epidemic of plump little kids we seem to be seeing. Sure, I'd rather get some purified water from the tap, than be served with a Glistening plastic bottle, at my table, but what I would really like is if only we could find some people in our local government to help us with some of the other fights, things like raising awareness and ridding the fluoridation from our water. Do you happen to know such people in our local political system? who could attempt to affect such change? Maybe you could call them, when you're not busy with press conferences about bottled water.

Maybe you also have noted the toxicity in the ground water, on the west side of the Valley, that an infamous copper mine, keeps swearing they have "Taken Care of", that for many years has leaked into the taps of the residence there, maybe this can be the next "Cause Du-Jour" you could pick up the baton for, or doesn’t that come onto your radar as an activist, in your fight against tragic "Bottles" at high end restaurants in both Salt Lake and Park City. I can certainly understand that it is a much lower priority problem.

I'm with you sir, if only someone in local politics had the time and could do something about these things, but there is so little time, and where does it all go?

Let me just reiterate my appreciation for your ability to prioritize those fleeting minutes of time, you have remaining in office, to affect some real change, continuing to use them effectively in dealing with the truly important tasks that challenge this community in our daily lives and for being a shining example of good governance. I continue to thank you for spending a few of the precious moments of my life, listening one of your infamous rants about, whatever your rant du-jour is. When will people learn to not load our land-fills with those bottles? I just can't see how people sleep at night. "Garbage, in the landfill...... what is wrong with people!?".
That is it! I'm calling for a boycott of all the "High End" restaurants. But where will people eat? Heaven forbid that someone cook a meal, and generate all that other garbage, that surrounds all that food from the grocery store. As my surrogate father, I need some kind of answer about what to do. As I hide under the covers of my bed, waiting for some answer to these hideous problems. Shaking and shivering, too afraid to sleep, as the empy bottles line up in my nightmares, and attack me with their, lip cutting, broken plastic ways. As my only sustenance is tap water, into my handmade ceramic cup, purchased from politically correct starving(for a good latte) Park City Arts Festival artists(oh, and maybe a little lemon). Maybe I can go outside and chew on some dirt, Heaven forbid I open a package of seeds and grow a garden. But Alas, I'll be too weak.... and with my remaining breath, I'll lay there, gasping "Daddy....Rocky... Rosebud...*choke*".
But I digress.

On a personal note, as you fade from the public view, and as I am person, who has taken satisfaction from your numerous failures, preferably in the primaries, in all your aspirations to a higher office. I would like to encourage you, to add your name to the long list of rambling personalities on the radio and/or as a frequent "Talking Head" on local television programs, as opposed to wasting your "special talents", seeking higher office. Further, if you could switch to some other... Green party or other Wing-nut organization, I would appreciate it....or have you ever considered being a Libertarian? or Federalist?.... they have some great ideas.

May I even hazard the suggestion that you're wasting your impressive skills here in Utah, fighting for the common rights of Gastronomy Democrat customer, and that those abilities be taken to maybe California, or Seattle, Massachusetts maybe, here you are just to far ahead of the curve on these issues, for us slow witted hick democrats, worried about petty things like, collapsing housing markets, employment, feeding our families, staying healthy and paying insurance and medical bills.

Maybe you could get into an argument with Ann Coulter next, wouldn't that be fun? But would you degrade yourself to that level? I think you could manage, as long as it advanced your celebrity. Have you sent her a letter with your thoughts on the issue? But I doubt she is well versed in the whole "Bottled water, Land-fill dynamic".. she is a quick study, I think she can catch up. You really are the JFK democrat our party needs.

I'm thinking about having some T-shirts printed, "FREE THE YUPPIE WATER, FROM THE IMPERIALIST SHACKELS OF IT'S BOTTLE."(To Long?) Maybe we can go to liberty park, get high and pray to Gaia that some solution is found, to the number one priority of Local Government... Bottled Water. Have you suggested to the party that they initiate the new slogan "Democrat, we are all about the bottled water.". You have missed your calling, some of the national political campaigns could really use your help, Call Obamma, Call Clinton, This needs to be the lynch pin of their platforms. Do you think we can get a National petition going?... Constitutional amendment?

Thank you once again,
Fluoride in my toothpaste,
My politicians understanding priorities;
Keep the potholes filled,
And provide for the common welfare.
%$%^^- Fortunately of West Jordan.

P.S. I hope you understand irony. Let me further suggests that your remaining time in office may probably be better spent, picking up the trash from around the city and county building,(maybe you could have that trash recycle it into ceramic cups), Maybe a dust mop, or broom? but I would hate for you to actually accomplish something.

P.P.S Get over it, it's a bottle in a landfill, Al Gore you're not. You may not win a Peace prize, But you may be eligible for a Darwin Award.... and Publishers Clearing house is totally open.

P.P.P.S As a high level party democrat, do you know if it's possible to have someone banned from the party? I guess I'll have to make some phone calls.

Follow up:

So, The trib sent me a reply: "Sorry, we don't publish third party letters.". Admittedly, I didn't expect/anticipate them to publish it..... Couple Reasons:

  1. The Salt Lake Tribune, is filled with Coward, paper-pushers... Who honestly avoid anything Journalistic, and just republish The Associated Press.(someone remind me why print is dead.)... Why do you think there is a huge emergence of faux-news.
  2. Who do you thing the Latte Drinking-Ceramic Cup having-Gastronomy Democrats are??? SLTrib staff.
  3. Third Party letter- As an Open Letter, it's not actually "To" Ros/Rocky... What it is is an Open Public Challenge.... and what is a News Paper for Besides that. But Like I've covered, The Tribune is a bunch of Ham-Handed, Latte Drinking Pussies, who wouldn't understand journalisum or thier place in serving the public good. If it hit them in the face like a Brick. The Open Letter is an Opinion/letter to the editor to "The Public", and Ross, as a memeber of the "Public" is not a Third Party, he is Part of the Second Party. But Like I said, Ham Handed, Latte Drinking, Gastronomy Democrat, Morons. Even Stupider, is that if a letter to the editor wasn't an "Open" letter... They couldn't publish it, The legal standard of ownership

Just to let Y'all know, there will be a resurgence over the next 20 years of the Industrial-Union-Blue Collar Democrat. I'm sure you ask? I didn't even know they existed?... Yes, and post JFK they are/were the backbone of the democratic party... all the way till the 1980's.. When they faded away, Democrats started losing, but To put it into today's nomenclature- The NASCAR Dads are going to be pissed they don't have good jobs and are losing their homes, under the republicans and will come back.

I also believe, they didn't believe that I'm a liberal/democrat and this was a conservative Ploy, since a lot of these charges were leveled against Ross, by that Asshole-Moron Sean Hannity... More Conservatives ruining my legitimate Criticism, Because of their Polarizing Bullshit... Thanks again Asshole.

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