Friday, April 08, 2011

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It was 15 years ago, I guess not too long I have been at this blog for almost 5 years. That year it was Rachel. We effectively broke it off in February, it was her birthday. It that relationship, I realized I couldn't trust what she said. She would say things to me, that were not reliable. She would act in ways that were inconsistent with what she said. This was the point at which I realized I had some emotional problems of my own. Most people would have just dismissed her, and would have said "something is wrong with her." and moved on. I didn't or couldn't do that. That relationship was on and off for half a year.

One of the things I learned was that what people say, and what they do are totally different things, and not just because they are liars. At one point I had no idea how she felt for me, I started asking her odd questions to see if I could get her to say she had some feelings for me.

I asked, "If I was shot and I showed up here, would you take care of me, nurse me back to health?".
She said, "I would treat you like any person, just like even any bum on the street. I would call an ambulance and send you on your way."

At that point, I realized she either didn't like me at all, or couldn't express it. Either way, I didn't want anything to do with her, or the relationship. It took me a year or two to realize it. Probably 3 to dislike her for dragging me through her psychological hell.

The point of all this is to explain how I feel about Julie. She doesn't read this, so it's not for her benefit. The thing is, there I was drunk and emotionally vulnerable on my birthday, and the "reality" of things are, that she was there for my birthday. To talk with and joke with, the whole bit. It meant everything to me.

And that is why I love Julie. I'm in Maxx mode today.... It's a thing, go with it.

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