For some reason, I was very emotional yesterday. I spent a ton of money on vinyl, it was most of the things I really really wanted.... but I paid for them... crazy money if you ask me.
After that, I felt like I emotionally crashed. I guess I have been hoping to find that vinyl for so long... and it feels like an anti-climax. Like winning the Olympics and then saying "what is next" and then I guess you have to learn how to live again, or find a new obsession ;).
One of my sisters died when I was about 8 or 9 Years old. For some reason my thoughts went to her. She was the forgotten member of the family, the one who didn't get the attention. Now in retrospect, It is so clear how much she loved me. Strange to wonder about how the loss of that love has affected me. In my imagination, I think about all the times in my life when I would have liked to show up at her house and cry, or get her advice about life or love. She should have been 'That sister'... but because she died, I didn't get that... and a hole was created in my life... in my soul.
In my car... I wept and thought about how much I missed her.... 32 years later. I wonder if this is the anniversary of her death. It feels like it... and it's just about the right time.
