hmmm

I haven't posted in a while. I have a few minutes... Everything is good right now. Very busy.

shit... that is all I have....

Topping Basil

My basil plants were ready to top.

Here it is before
Here it is After(below)

This will help them not go to seed, and it will also make them bushy. You can cut or 'pinch' the top leaves off. You do this for each of the rising stems of the plant. This one only had maybe 2 significant stems to pinch off, could have been three. These both really were the same plant.

Borders.....

I go up to the counter.

The guy says "Did you find everything ok?"

Me, "I would like a book on utah wild plants"

Counter guy Shrugs.

I guess he was just taking a Poll!

7 people didn't find everything OK. 30 were too gracious to say anything.

Seems like we have a bit of a game Afoot!

Before I mess around, I want to say... Y'all are my friends, Loose friends, I'll say that, but the oddest thing in the world, is when I have a conversation with people. I say, "I know Burke Swindlehurst" "I know Ryan Barrett" "I know Sandy." "Julie and I are Friends" "Art is Awesome!".... I have shaken hands with many of you. But it's strange! I find it Odd! Much of this...

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't call Burke, and say... "Hey, lets take some salsa over to T-mac." That hurts to this day. As Catharsis I should say "Sorry, T-mac! I very much wanted to sit down and have some nice home grown salsa with you. It was my bad!"

I find all of this kind of ridiculous. I find it kind of silly some times.

Truth is, there is a Sanctuary in my blog. I love that I can wake up in the middle of the night and just bang on the keys, and get out what I want to say. There is something Cathartic about it. I want to be able to keep doing this. I want to be able to Share some of my own Very personal thoughts and struggles with My readers as well as my love of Local Cycling, and local Athletes.

Sometimes there is a sense in the air, that I don't have real friends, or that I only interact with the world though the computer or through the blog. For the Man behind the mop, It's not true. I have many great friends And I tend to date some very charming exceptional woman.

In January I said, "Shit is going to change, or shit is going to get broke!". It's very much what I'm doing.....

Once more INTO the BREACH Gentleman!

Leap Into the Void of Uncertainty!

It's very much "Worlds Colliding for me".... But fuck it, I can hang! Honestly, I have no idea what is happening. That is why it is Uncertainty! I do have some games I want to play, I hope they go well, and this should mark the beginning.

But there doesn't seem to be a Great Reason, why "The Mop" can't manifest himself Physically. If I want to be a SuperHero... Seems like you have to take Physical Presence.

Nancy, was asking me about Sandy.... I said... "YES! This is what Mop's are for!"

What Ryan didn't tell anyone, was that he rolled up on me, and I freaked out and rolled off the shoulder into the dirt... I felt like I was in Alice in Wonderland, and I had drunk the potion to make me little! I'm 6'

oh... and I did try and kill Ryan in the west desert!... or not.

Allons-y!!!!

On my wheel

I didn't realize how strong I am. The other day, some guy caught my wheel, not anyone serious. But I was like, Ok Catch my wheel. slowed it down to 17... and he stalled... and hung back 20 feet. Then I waited.... got sick of dogging it, and then just jacked it up to 20+ and he just folded.

Last night I was on a small descent, doing a quick ride. Somebody was stalking me again. I waved them up to my wheel, and they didn't take it. I dogged it, waiting for them. I knew there was a 60 foot climb coming up. I dug in, and pushed it, into the red up the little climb. They didn't even know what hit them. At the top of that little hill, I looked back and they just had nothing. Over the hill and down the road... I didn't even see them again...

I'm not talking myself up but there is some sauce in my legs.

Jamie Lee Curtis.

Jamie Lee Curtis.... Hermaphrodite?????
What seems like a new debate about the sexuality of Jamie Lee Curtis, has sprung up.

Let me just say.... The above Picture does speak for itself(-1 for the Rumor)...

But ok... Legwarmers.. She could pass herself off as a very gay man... if it's true. (+1 for the Rumor.Total=0)...

On the other hand, Look at those hips(-1 for the Rumor.Total=-1). This is also pre photoshop.(-1 for the Rumor.Total=-2)

Ok.... She is the Daughter of Tony Curtis.... (+1 for the Rumor.Total=-1)
and Janet Leigh (+1 for the Rumor.Total=0)

What would be more interesting is if she was intersex-hermaphrodite, And that what they tend to do... is chop off the Male organ, and the doctor decrees them a woman. Then they struggle with identity the rest of their lives.

Of course when I did the search and typed "Jamie Lee Curtis". Google search then added 'Hermaphrodite' as the second automatic(auto-Fill) search was 'jamie lee Curtis hermaphrodite' .(+1 for the Rumor.Total=1)

It's hard to argue against the Google Auto-fill.

But... how dare someone challenge the sexuality of the star of 'Trading Places' (-1 for the Rumor.Total=0). I think those were my first real living color Boobs!!! That would have meant some very early and excellent plastic surgery.(-1 for the Rumor.Total=-1)

This one may seal it... she is married to Christopher Guest!(+1 for rumor, Total=0)

At first I doubted this was blog fodder.... but sure enough...

To be honest.... I doubt it, this is a true rumor..... But its fun to talk about...

Friday again

I'm not sure the dude Abides anymore.

I'm not sure how I feel about this...

(this also feels like a non-sequitur)

If I had a Heart Rate Monitor ... Only it was "Mop Nonsense Monitor"... It hit 90% today. It's probably not just "mop nonsense" it's all my nonsense....

Hard day... Not on the bike..

I had a very nice evening....

but it feels like a friday... I need to shake the darkness.... Com'on Mop... kick it in the Balls...

Epic Tease!

It's the chase.... Not the destination.

The Journey, Not the Arrival.
I'm tearing this roof off. Don't worry in 2 weeks I'll be in full melt down.

"WHY DID I START THIS!"

"WTF AM I DOING!"

Then I will nut up and get it done.

It would be nice if this didn't happen.

I have some fun little games I want to play... I hope some other people want to play too. I'm not sure how to go about them. But I'll get there...

I was reflecting today on ... As Nancy was teasing! Being a one man storm!

I love woman! You have no idea.... Love Love Love.

Every once in a while.... there is some pain... on both sides. I don't like the pain, it's no fun... It's still the same thing, just the other side of the coin. One of my huge fears, and one of the things that Tears me up inside... Is causing it... That isn't what I want. But it's real...

No matter what, there is always love, for everybody.

Word is..... "Life is a Great Opera"...

You can sit and watch.... or you can take part!

I like to amend that phrase, "Life is a Great Melodrama!"

I mean... You have seen it? Exaggerated plot and characters... Super hero's and Super villains... Damsels in distress.

Ya... Epic Tease... Because in Life things are messy.... things are Hard...

Life is a Journey... A Quest... It's the Work.... The Travails that we suffer in the Journey... they make us what we are; The Joys, The Tears, The Laughter, The Friendships. Not the destination.... Not Where we are... But how we got there.

The Journey tell us more about who we are, than the destination ever will. Sure.... you are the CEO of British Petroleum.... but Who are you?

Because... No matter where you go! There you are!

Yep.... I have this roof to pull off!

Sideways

today had a promising start....

Then like a bottle-rocket... it suddenly went off sideways.

I just can't even......

Too Much.....

More sleep....

More love...

The demise of Hardware stores

Me, "I need an AC motor"
Them, "What is that?"
Me, "Alternating Current, it's for a Fan!"
Them, "Huh!"
Me, "You arn't familiar with 'Alternating Current'? you work in electronics? or was it 'Motor' that has you Confused?"
(I got a very hateful look after that)
Them, "We don't have that!"
Me, "in all of lowes you don't have an AC Motor?"

The better one was a few years ago when I asked for a 3"x3" copper plate.

Them, "what do you want that for... What are you trying to do?"
Me, "I'm building a water cooled Heat Sink"
Them"HuH!"
Me, "I think I can improve the cooling properties of this system I built, if I can get a Solid State Water Cooled Heat Sink on it. But I need some copper plate."

Stranger in a strange land!

Things have been strange... but the good kind.

Very busy, and with some hard riding... good stuff.

I was telling Nancy this today, I may have freaked her out. I kind of doubt it. I was mentioning how strange things were. I told her that I had an E-mail a week ago....

Let me just set this up. I mentioned to A friend of mine, a female friend, that a woman I knew, was joking, and yet not joking about being tied up. I got one of those raised eyebrows. This is a former Mormon housewife... turned drinker smoker... trouble maker. I teased her, when she showed a shocked reaction. I said "Why? what do you do... Lay there stiff as a board... praying for the orgazum fairy?"

This is 2 months later. In the interum, there has been some much more open talk about sex. Not between us, Seems like she is "Curious". When I was in college, I dropped LSD and said "Police are there to make sure nobody is having more fun than you are." By "curious" I mean she is curious if someone is having better sex than she is, or could be having.

This is the email I got:

Paraphrase "You are a very Naughty boy!... Its ok... I think we can fix it...."

Just hang on one FUCKING MINUTE!... Ok... I get the "Naughty boy" game. But I hate to break it to you.... I'm a God Damn Top..... And don't you fucking Forget that! And the closest I get to that game, is a little Librarian Action!

Second of all, if you don't know the difference between a Top and a Bottom... You best not be playing this game! Least of all... With a TOP!

Ok! ENOUGH SAID!

like I said...... Things are fucking strange!!!

(Note to readers... This post is just a bunch of fun! If you notice, I did not quote my response. The e-mail was a paraphrase. Nancy noted that she was not freaked out!... because... who can freak out Nancy? Right!. The response is what I wish I had said... if I lived in a dream world, and not the Real one. A Dream world where you can talk to people like that. My actual response was basically, "I think you are way off base here, and you may need to back off".... I think I also considered the title "Don't make me get my Top out")

Super Tired

.... Long day... Some days I count myself as lucky, and this was one of them. Everything was right with the world.

so I can't complain, but instead of just tired... I'm super tired.

Damn!

I don't have anything today. My day was mostly thinking about going for a bike ride. The rain is finally getting to me. But I still made it out.

Tired

Six hours of sleep last night. up at 4... and it was cold... I searched my bed for warmth, and it wasn't there. Of course I put the spring blankets away too soon. Sweating to death a few days ago. Now I'm freezing.

I only pulled off 12 hours of working my ass off. No bike ride...

I'm hoping for some rest and a rally tomorrow. This is all I have.

No bike ride... makes one feel like... not a super hero..

Tired

at 5am I heard the rain, and ran out and covered most of the garden in a gigantic tarp, so that I could still plant and not be trudging through mud all morning... Worked great.

We planted our asses off until 9pm. at which time it was all completed.

then... work work work work... I did have a nice ride. then more work.

sorry.. just tired...

Not sure what to do with this.

Very long days, and they start at 6 and go until 10pm.

Here it was, 9:30 finished dinner and time to decompress...

Keep Fighting... It's all I have.

Things are going to change, or more shit is going to break. I guess the adage is "Can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs." I've been hard on people. It's a big mistake to get in my way. I swear to god, I'm dying... not like I have Cancer. I work too hard to have as little as I have. If somebody thinks they can make things harder for me... or get me to put in a few more hours because they are lazy.

I want more. I swear I deserve more. I gave up "hoping" that Deserve had anything to do with it 15 years ago.

Life just 'Is' to me. What I want, and what I deserve. These aren't concepts I ponder, generally. I'm not about to Dwell on them. I think I've managed some very bad hands at the card game of life. I've done the best I can with them. It's enough.... it's honestly, all I have.

What is the song, "you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need!"... well, i'm not sure I've been getting what I need.

and for the most part, it's time to demand it.

My Ex... she told me to buy a dog. Something to love and that would lick my face in the morning. Good advice, but it would shit all over everything.

There is certainly more, stuff I refuse to talk about on the blog. Much of it is relationship stuff. Nancy threw a little tidbit, seemed like something I already knew.... "People can either hang with you or they can't.". Again, I work my ass off. I deserve a few fun hours on the phone to a friend, or a nice bike ride with another. I deserve it to be a nice, a fun time.

And ya... I'll fight for it, with every cell in my body, and i'll fight for what little i have. I'll piss and shit and kick and scream for it. Until anyone who steps in my way... Well honestly.. until they shut the fuck up.

Certainly I could consider, showing more compassion and love.. it would grow more fruit... but I think i have played that game.

I work my ass off, every day.

People don't quite get how "High Volume" people cyclists are. They are down on 3 or 4, and we tend to run at 6-8... and love to kick it up to 10.

Yep... but there is a price to pay... but there is also a price to pay for not hearing the music.

There's an old Earth saying, Captain. A phrase of great power and wisdom, and consolation of the soul in times of need." - “what's that then?” “ALLONS-Y!!”

(this one had it's moments, If I put some more time into it... developed some of the themes better... and in a more cohesive manner.... But... it's bed time.. More thoughts tomorrow)

Confession time

Some of you have had some updates on the cleaning and organizing going on here at the Bat Cave. It all started when I was talking to a long time friend of mine.

She said "You don't enjoy things do you!"

I said, "I like to ride my bike! Other than that it's all logistics. I toy with having a relationship every once in a while, it goes badly. I decide not to do it for a while(a couple of years). Honestly, I don't have a clue what you are talking about... What is it i'm supposed to enjoy?"

I'm not saying that life is miserable, what I'm asking is "Explain to me where this 'Joy' is."

This was all post "Shit is going to change, or stuff is going to get Broke!(illiteration(I know, not a word) intended). In on going conversations, I asked. "you seem to be very clean and very organized! I don't know how to do that. Do you have any tips."

Well, on it went.....

And the confession is; I seem to not be properly House Broken. Things are not bad. But... what the hell do I know. My blankets get cleaned Yearly. Sheets every month or 2. Dishes Pile up, in the office. Ya, dishes get done every few days. Counters get cleared once a week. I can't remember when my walls were washed. Sure, I'm a cyclist I do laundry daily, if not 3 times a week. But it doesn't get put away...

So, I didn't know how bad all that is.

Now, there is a whole system. Laundry is monday including sheets. Dishes every day, counters always cleared. No dishes in the office. No clothing on the floor. Shoes where they go...

And Every day, I try and give something a good scrub. A wall, an appliance, My desk.... Every day. Also, Any piles are gone through and Shit is thrown out.

and Kindly, Nicely... this woman has decided to help me sort this stuff out.

But I like having a clean bathroom. I like Clean sheets.. I'm a little unnerved that I almost want to sleep on top of them, so as not to soil them. I like having things not dusty. I like the progress of it. Who knows if, when I talk to a woman about Mildew free Tile, if she will think I'm as Queer as one of the guys on that sitcom. Shrug.... things are clean... and I'll get them Cleaner.

What does this have to do with enjoying things? Well, I will tell you what. Not having to worry about tripping on something. Also being able to have someone come over, without worry, about cleaning up first. Or being able to have worked my ass off all day. Jump into my clean bed. To not worry about "All the things I need to do" because i'm cranking them out one at a time, and I have a list... It's kind of re-assuring.

Truth be told, all of this has messed with the Garden, I'm a bit behind. Even though I have been cranking on it, the past few days.

But I think I'm good with it. And I'm not perfect... I'm a Recovering Disgusting Pig! and I think I just got my 2 month Pin.

Henry and June

I'm sure I have more to ramble about than Henry and June! but let's start there, see where it leads us.

I remember what I thought about it when I originally read it in college. It was like Soft core Porn, in literary form. Only, I'm not sure... maybe it's hardcore and romance novels are Soft Core. I'm not sure, since i'm not a big Romance Novel reader. But seriously....

"Henry and June" Illustrations

I stole this, so I figure I'd give a link to the artist. Awesome, I'm tempted to try and buy one. I suspect they will be a little overpriced... but you never know.

But..Anaïs Nin has a great way with words... I'm very Jealous.

There was a ton of work in the garden today, Things were thrown... words cussed... Work done.

When Did I become a person who "Throws shit"?... Personally, I'm not happy about it, but "it is". I seem to be coming to terms with some things that drive me up the wall! One of which is "If Somebody annoys The Mop enough he will just get angry and do it himself."

My nephew feigned taking a spade to me, I just smiled and laughed!

Notes

I am trying to start re-Reading 'Henry and June'.

From the preface:

"My book and my journal step on each other's feet constantly. I can neither divorce nor reconcile them. I play the traitor to both. I am more loyal to my journal, however. I will put pages of my journal into the book but never pages of the book into the journal showing a human faithfulness to the human authenticity of a journal"

It would be great if I could get through it.

I'm becoming more fond of the new season of "Doctor Who" It's a new doctor, new writers, new director.... it's an adjustment. The real problem is my expectations are very high.

It feels like things are easing up, out there in the World. Seems like the blow ups have happened, and it is all about putting things back together.

how did it get from Cold to Hot and sweaty. I'm not sure if I should put the blankets away.... Maybe if I do, it will get cool again.

bla bla bla bla...

Ms I'm Busy

I was doing my usual drudgery... Cleaning, Waxing, Weeding,

I was thinking there may be some confusion on Ms. "I'm Busy".

I met her 2 years ago, through some work stuff. She was really out there. Saying the most ridiculous, but true stuff. Which always impresses me. The thing was, there were a ton of indicators that she was a bit of a Socio-Path. She Hated Everyone. Looked for anything Petty to make fun of people about. Zero Friends. Couldn't stand her Family. Openly Stated that she didn't trust anyone.

You know... all the stuff that makes "The Mop" go.. "I can Save her!". Now, Honestly I didn't like her. She was Very High Maintenance. These are all HUGE RED FLAGS FOR ME. Never get personally involved with someone who can't get dirty.... Or Dirty(just a joke).

but she was also wrong on a ton of very important things, very important Social dynamics. In fact, it was like she was someone who didn't actually empathize with people. Someone who couldn't see things from anyone else's perspective.

We were acquaintances, and I agreed with a ton of things that she said. Then there was "We are Friends Right?" I told her, "I'm not sure we are there, but I'm willing to try.".Then she started Flirting with me, I blew it off for months. There were some jokes.

After thinking about it for a while, I said what the hell and Then there was some dating, and then it was ready to "Get More Serious". I was ready... and then she hit Eject....

Ok......

When she started emailing me again weeks ago. I was Cautious. I didn't care, but any form of relationship had almost Zero Chance. It seemed like that fuse was lit, and it was just a bomb waiting to go off.

but... it's been a long time since I've dealt with a borderline sociopath.... It's not fun!

She was a very bright, but ... she couldn't stop thinking that she knew what everyone was thinking and what they wanted....

If you actually have a brain, you realize. People are in a constant state of learning-growing and changeing... For the most part.

The time of the Concrete Static Reality/belief system are long gone. A a crumbling relic of a dying religion.

And Her worst horror was that she couldn't push my buttons... Because.. She knew nothing about me. Because she was never listening. And it was a series of her trying to be a bitch, and me just thinking that she was a horrible person.

But her Journey is her own.